Anger Isn’t the Enemy: Listening to What Your Anger Is Trying to Tell You

Anger has a bad reputation. We’re taught to see it as destructive, dangerous, or something we should push down and hide. “Don’t be angry” is a message many of us received growing up.

But here’s the truth: anger is not a flaw in your personality. It’s not who you are. Anger is a feeling, and like every other emotion, it’s there for a reason. When we ignore or suppress it, it can build up and come out in ways that feel overwhelming. But when we learn to listen to it and express it in safe, healthy ways, anger can actually guide us toward healing, boundaries, and self-respect.

What Does Anger Feel Like in the Body?

Anger isn’t just a thought; it’s something you feel physically. For some, it shows up as:

• A rise in temperature

• A burst of restless energy

• Shaking or trembling

• Tightness in the jaw or fists

• A racing heartbeat

These bodily sensations are your nervous system signalling that something feels “off.” Anger is often the body’s way of saying: “Something isn’t right here, please pay attention.”

Irritability vs. Anger

It’s worth noting that irritability and anger aren’t the same thing. Irritability can be triggered by things like:

• Lack of sleep

• Stress or overwhelm

• Hormonal changes

• Hunger

Irritability often makes us feel “on edge” or easily frustrated, while anger tends to show up when we perceive something unjust, disrespectful, or harmful. Both are valid, but understanding the difference can help you respond with more clarity and compassion toward yourself.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

Expressing anger doesn’t mean lashing out. It means finding safe, constructive outlets for that intense energy. Some examples include:

• Naming it directly: Simply saying “I’m angry” can release some of the pressure. It acknowledges what’s happening instead of pretending everything’s fine.

• Movement: Going for a run, hitting a punching bag, dancing to loud music, or even shaking your body out can help move that energy. This is called sublimation.

• Breathwork: Deep, intentional breathing can calm the nervous system after anger has been expressed.

What is Sublimation?

Sublimation is a psychological concept that means channelling powerful emotions into healthier or more creative outlets. With anger, this might look like:

• Exercising or lifting weights

• Writing furiously in a journal

• Cleaning or reorganising a space

• Painting, drawing, or creating something expressive

Sublimation doesn’t mean avoiding your anger; it means transforming it into something that supports you instead of harming you. It’s a healthy way of expressing the feeling and energy from anger so that it moves through you rather than living within you.

The Role of Art in Releasing Anger

Art can be one of the most powerful ways to work through anger. When words feel sharp or stuck, creativity offers another pathway. Scribbling, painting bold strokes, tearing paper, or building something with your hands can give form to your feelings.

Anger holds energy, and art gives that energy somewhere to go. It’s not about making something “pretty” or “perfect.” It’s about letting what’s inside come out safely, without judgment.

I wanted to share with you an example of my own. This image was born out of anger. At the time, I was facing challenges with my health that forced me to confront uncomfortable truths and make some big life decisions. My anger showed up as racing thoughts, muscle tension, and an overwhelming, restless energy that felt impossible to contain. I knew I needed a release—so I turned to paint.

Using acrylics in red, blue, and black, I worked mostly with a palette knife, slapping the paint onto the page and slicing through it to spread the colour. Each stroke carried the weight of what I was holding inside.

For me, colour holds meaning. Blue, my least favourite, carries associations of sadness and low mood. Red, though beautiful, brings to mind heat and passion. Black feels like darkness. Together, on the page, they created a raw and visceral image of what my anger looked like in that moment.

I still remember the physical relief of the process—the sharp edge of the palette knife cutting through thick layers of paint, the satisfying slap of colour hitting the paper. By the time I finished, I was out of breath. That release was sublimation in action: channeling the intense energy of anger into something creative and tangible.

Afterward, I felt different. The anger hadn’t disappeared, but the energy was no longer boiling over. I could sit with myself more calmly, reflect more clearly, and approach those difficult decisions without being consumed by raw emotion. My anger had spoken, and by expressing it creatively, I was finally able to hear what it was trying to tell me.

You Are Not “An Angry Person”

It’s important to remember that anger is not a personality trait. We sometimes label people as “angry” or call them “an angry person,” but that isn’t the whole story.

Anger is a human emotion, just like sadness or joy. Everyone experiences it. The difference lies in how we’ve learned to relate to it. Some of us never had healthy models for expressing it, which can make it feel scary or overwhelming. But with support, it’s possible to change that relationship.

Listening to the Message of Anger

Instead of shaming yourself for feeling angry, try asking:

• What is my anger trying to protect me from?

• What boundary has been crossed?

• What is my anger trying to tell me?

When we approach anger with curiosity rather than judgment, it becomes a teacher instead of an enemy.

Final Thoughts

Anger doesn’t make you “bad” or “broken.” It makes you human. Learning to listen to it, express it, and channel it safely can open doors to deeper healing, stronger boundaries, and greater emotional resilience.

If this resonates with you and you’d like to explore safe, creative ways to process emotions like anger, art therapy can be a powerful space to do that work. Reach out for one-to-one sessions, or keep an eye out for upcoming group workshops.