Finding Calm Through Control: Understanding What You Can Influence

Life can feel overwhelming at times. Responsibilities pile up, unexpected events happen, and our minds can spiral into a cycle of worry. One of the most grounding ways to navigate these moments is to reflect on what is actually within your control. By identifying what you can influence, you reduce unnecessary stress, improve clarity, and give yourself a sense of agency in situations that may otherwise feel chaotic. At the same time, gently recognising and releasing what lies beyond your control allows you to conserve your energy for things you can take action on.

Focusing on control is not about suppressing emotions or ignoring challenges; it’s about approaching life practically and compassionately. When we try to control everything, we often exhaust ourselves, feeling frustrated or powerless when outcomes don’t align with our expectations. Understanding the limits of our influence gives us freedom and focus. We can invest in what truly matters while letting go of what we cannot change.

The Focus Circles Exercise

A simple yet powerful tool to practice this awareness is the Focus Circles exercise. It encourages you to separate what you can control from what you can influence and what lies entirely beyond your control.

1.     Draw two circles, one inside the other, large enough to write in.

2.     Label the inner circle as The Circle of Control — these are things you can act on directly. Examples include your daily routines, your choices, your responses to situations, and how you care for your mental well-being.

3.     Label the outer circle as The Circle of Influence — these are things you can affect but not fully control, such as project outcomes or social dynamics.

4.     Everything outside the circles represents what is beyond your control entirely.

Once you’ve drawn your circles, start filling them in. List the things you can act on in the inner circle and the things you can influence in the outer circle. Seeing these laid out visually can provide perspective and help reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Reflecting on Your Circles

After completing the exercise, it’s useful to pause and reflect. Ask yourself:

·       What is one thing I’m holding onto that is outside my control?

·       Can I shift my attention and energy to something within my Circle of Control?

·       Are there things in my Circle of Influence that I can realistically act on without overextending myself?

This reflection allows you to identify where your energy is best spent. It can reveal patterns of overthinking, rumination, or attempts to control the uncontrollable. Awareness of these patterns is the first step toward developing healthier, more productive approaches to challenges.

Emotional Awareness and Acceptance

It’s natural to feel anxiety, frustration, sadness, or even anger about things that are beyond your control. The goal isn’t to suppress these feelings but to acknowledge them. Naming the emotion, whether it’s worry about a project outcome or disappointment in someone’s behaviour, can create space to process it. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means recognising the reality of the situation while choosing where to place your focus and effort.

By separating what you can control from what you cannot, you can respond rather than react. This approach reduces impulsive decisions driven by stress and allows you to approach challenges with clarity and calm.

Practical Application

The Focus Circles exercise can be repeated regularly to check in with yourself and reset your mindset. It pairs well with journaling or mindfulness exercises, allowing you to track changes in your thoughts, emotions, and areas of influence. Over time, this habit strengthens resilience, reinforces self-trust, and improves decision-making by directing your energy toward actionable steps.

Letting Go Without Guilt

Releasing control over outcomes does not mean being passive or irresponsible. It is a conscious decision to prioritise your energy and well-being. Letting go of what cannot be changed is a form of self-care and mental health management. It enables you to focus on what matters, respond effectively, and reduce unnecessary stress.

Disclaimer

These exercises are intended as supportive tools for self-reflection and stress management and are not a replacement for therapy or professional mental health support. If you are struggling, consider reaching out to a qualified mental health professional who can guide you through these challenges safely.